3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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