If that was your dad, he is hot
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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