I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
