Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
