I am spending my child support on dildos
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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