I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
