She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
