Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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