i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
