In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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