Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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