so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
