my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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