dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
