Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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