We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
