haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
