Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
