you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
