put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
