I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I think I sprained my soul last night
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
