just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
