I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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