She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
