That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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