Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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