I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
