You made me cry and you don't even care
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
