giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
