oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
