Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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