I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
