My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
