youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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