He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
