ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
