kristin has been a bad kristin
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
