Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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