Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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