everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
