Small penises have feelings too.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
