And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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