Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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