we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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