I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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