He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
