I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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