Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
