True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
