I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
