I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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