I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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