I'm sorry my penis didn't work
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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