Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
