we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Sponge bath it is.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
