Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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