I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
