I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
